Q: Whats the height of desperation?
A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
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Similar jokes
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What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree?
1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.
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Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself.
Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!"
Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
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Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?
Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.
Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.
Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p?
Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
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What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
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Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
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Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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What do gays call hemorrhoids ?
Speed bumps.
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To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":
Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening.
It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property.
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast,
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
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