Joke #8359

Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
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A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
Vote: has 53.04 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, doctor, medical, sex
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, food, health
A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
Vote: has 76.19 % from 91 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, dog, food, masturbation
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote: has 77.77 % from 150 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, Halloween, morbid
What has 4 legs and one arm? A Doberman in a children’s playground!
Vote: has 54.14 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
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A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!” To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
Vote: has 58.77 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
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Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician standing at the top of a slide. The magician said, "You may each go down the slide and ask for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide, you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, "Beer!" He landed in a glass of beer. The second man went down yelling, "Lemonade!" He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy man down the slide yelling, "Wee!"
Vote: has 77.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, disgusting
Two gay men are walking down the street trying to bum a ride. A truck driver picks them up. After a while the first gay man asked in a very gay voice, "Please sir can I fart?" The truck driver then says, "Yeah sure who cares." So the gay guy goes "POOF". Then the second gay man asks if he can fart. The truck driver says he doesn't care and the second gay man went ''poof''. Then the big truck driver goes to the gay men and says, "Ok gentlemen can I fart?" The gay men say right on and the truckdriver lets it blow. The fart was huge and smelly and loud. The gay men then say, "He is obviously a virgin."
Vote: has 53.58 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart, gay
Fart Glossary: ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas. ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink. ASSUALT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse. TIRE FART= You can't control the blow out. BEER FARTS= These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer. JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape. DONKEY FART= Your ass is the only one that can do it. GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it. HOME ALONE FART= When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one. SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes. TANK FART= When you refer to your farts as 'gas'. OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells. BRAIN FART= You need to fart, but nothing comes out. ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp. NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!" U.F.O. FART= When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul Odor".
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, disgusting, fart