Joke #8359

Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.
Vote: has 82.08 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

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How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Vote: has 56.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? A: Because when their balls fall over their a**holes, they vapor-lock.
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins. Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. "OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom." The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees. So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain. The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?" "That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

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What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
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A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Vote: has 70.70 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

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What's grosser than gross? Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon. What's grosser than that? Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar. What's grosser than that? When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face. You want to know what's grosser than that? When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner. But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom? They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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