If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
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A blonde buys a used sports car.
However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop.
The blonde calls a tow truck.
The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
Then, God came to Eve to pass on some news too. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Eve looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Adam. The other organ I have for you is called a vagina. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Adam will be very happy that you now have this organ to give him children."
Eve, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Eve and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time. While you're bleeding through one of them every 28 days, the other will remain useless."
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Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
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What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea?
One's a cunning runt.
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Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget?
A: Wow! Your hair smells good!
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Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room.
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Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
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What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
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Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A: "How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?"
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