Joke #7181

If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
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Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.
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Boy while kissing his girlfriend: "Thank u baby... For give me your chewing gum.." Girl says, "This is not chewing gum my love. I’m suffering from cough!"
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Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.
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Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
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Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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How does herpes leave the hospital? On crotches.
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Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?'' "Hell no," Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. "Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?" "I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said. So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!" "I didn't." Jeff said. "They're your pants."
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A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
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Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
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