If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
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Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."
The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
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Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
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A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him.
The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample."
The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."
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When you're neckin' with yer honey
And your nose is kinda runny
You might think it's funny...
But it's not.
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What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
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Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
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Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal.
As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help.
"Oh yes please!?" the man cries.
"You have a kind heart, sir," says the man with no arms.
But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things.
The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it.
So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so.
"Thank you very much, sir!" says the armless man.
"No problem," says Bob "but what the hell is wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
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A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A: A spec.
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What kind of a car does a proctologist drive?
A brown Probe!
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