Joke #8271

Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street. Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!" (splash) "WHERE?" (splash)
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: kids

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An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
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has 54.08 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, wife
A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
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has 53.30 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, time
This little kid is walking up the street with his Daddy. They see two dogs going at it. The little kid says "Hey daddy what are those doggies doing?" The father says "Ahh, they're making a puppy." That night the little kid walks in on his mother & father and daddy's on top driving it home to mama! The little kid says "Hey daddy what were you doing with Mommy?" He says "Oh, were making it a baby." The kid say "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, kids, sex
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
A man and his son went into a store. The kid picked a USA flag and told his dad: "Dad, I want this flag." The man tells him: "Nah, this looks too bright. Check if it's available in a different color."
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dad, ethnic, kids, stupid
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."
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has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: fish, kids, music
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
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has 78.98 % from 1448 votes. More jokes about: car, kids, money, stupid
My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad. Ted asked if she was going to use worms. "No," she said. "I'm going to use a fishing pole."
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, fish, kids
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
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has 71.74 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: kids
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, husband, kids, wife