A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
We have some for 75 cents a peace.
The man asks for two.
The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir."
The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."
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On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.
She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.
She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny.
The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.
She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
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There was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
He dreamt that Venus
was strokin' his penis
And woke with a handfull of goo
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What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children’s playground!
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Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?
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Q: Who is brave?
A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!
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What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
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One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap."
The other man says, "Who?"
The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
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Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game?
A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
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Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.
The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."
The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife."
The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.
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