Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled."
Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
Two men work in a mortuary. One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today. She'd been in the water for a week. Her clit was like a pickle." "Ew!" says the other fellow. "It was green?" "No, it was sour!"
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him. "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?" A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?" "No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"