Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time." The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit. She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off. So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick. All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day. He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights. All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts!
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."