Joke #8358

Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.

Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."

Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.

So that there be less strife May your dreams be sweet And your ass does not tweet tonight.

Another name for a vagina is a cockpit

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another. The elephants were connected trunk to tail. They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them. Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000. B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?" Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each." B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!" Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."

Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.

Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.