Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle?
A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
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Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday?
A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
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Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time?
He didn't know if he was coming or going.
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A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes.
A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything.
About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad."
The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose.
Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside.
Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?"
The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"
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If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!
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A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit one of his buddies.
As he is walking out he notices a guy pretending to be swinging a hockey stick.
Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'm Wayne Gretzky, and I'm practicing my shot."
Satisfied with the answer the visitor moves on down the hall.
He notices another guy pretending to be playing golf.
Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'm Tiger woods and I'm practicing my golf."
Satisfied with this response the visitor again moves on down the hall.
He then sees another guy sitting in a chair in the nude with a jar of peanuts beside him.
This guy takes a peanut, places it on his dick, waits a minute, then flicks into his mouth.
Again, curious he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'M FUCKING NUTS!"
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Imagine, there are on the bus only 5 persons:
A busman, an old woman, two younger women and one man.
The old woman comes to the busman and tells him: "Dear busman, would you like to eat a few hazelnuts?"
The busman says: "Yes, why not?"
He takes the hazelnuts from her hand and eats them.
This repeats even two times, but when the old woman offers other hazelnuts to the busman for the fourth time, the busman asks this old woman:
"Madame, where do you take all these hazelnuts from? It is a real amount and I am already full."
The old woman only says: "You know, dear busman, I have bought the chocolate with hazelnuts, the hazelnuts are very hard for my dental plate, so I have sucked them all out, brought it to you and you have already eaten them all."
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
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Why does the witch not wear panties when flying?
Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.
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Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A: You push them both aside when you eat.
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