Joke #8358

Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.

An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked. "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."

Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.

Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? A: "How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?"

Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?'' "Hell no," Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. "Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?" "I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said. So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!" "I didn't." Jeff said. "They're your pants."

How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.

How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!

What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.