Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings.
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A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself.
After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman.
The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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Joke has 21.56 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, disgusting, navy
How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift.
She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift.
She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny.
The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.
She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
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What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after three periods!
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A guy walks into a store.
He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand.
In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap.
He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
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One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door.
When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar.
Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door.
Again, there stands another bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar.
Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door.
This time, there's a bum asking for a straw.
The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there.
The bum replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."
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This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
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There once was a girl named Suzy Brown
Said no one could lay her down.
Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete,
With forty pounds of swinging meat.
He took her in the long tall grass,
Shoved his dick right up her ass.
Then she blew one gnarly fart,
Blew his ball two feet apart.
Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete,
With forty pounds of shredded meat.
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Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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