Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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Similar jokes
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A blonde buys a used sports car.
However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop.
The blonde calls a tow truck.
The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
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A couple walked into the supermarket.
They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted.
The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets.
He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them.
The husband looked confused again.
He asked the clerk, “What the hell do I do with these damn things?”
The clerk replied, “Well, you're supposed to scratch the box and see if you've won anything.”
The wife looked disgusted. "Oh please," she muttered.
"What?" asked the clerk.
"Oh nothing," she answered, "it's just that, well, he's been scratching down there for years, and he ain't won a damn thing."
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What's grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.
What's even grosser than that?
When one of them throws up.
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Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
Answer: No!
Response: Wanna go to a party?
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
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What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea.
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Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't.
The guilt was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
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What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?
"Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
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Q: How do you eat a frog?
A: You put one leg behind each ear.
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What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?"
"Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."
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