Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder! 
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Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.
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Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."
The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
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A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
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Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game?
A: There was a face-off in the corner.
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Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
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Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blowjob.
You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.
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Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
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How is a soyburger like a dildo?
They're both substitutes for meat.
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