Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder!
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.