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A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have sex with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."
Q: What animal has the most kids.
A: A sperm whale.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang".
I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey.
He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit.
He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny.
He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore.
So he decides to try and have s*x with the donkey.
He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey.
But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away.
Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again.
He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again.
Now the man is getting frustrated.
As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision.
A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere.
She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles.
She smiles at him and says, "I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have."
"Anything?" he says, getting fairly excited.
"Yes, anything." she replies.
So he says, "Will you hold the donkey?"
Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
He came into my room late at night.
He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left.
It was terrible.
It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!