Joke #5958

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.

Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.

Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.

Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."

Now there's a rack I'd like to be stretched out on.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.

Insurance companies are trying to set new guidelines before approving Viagra coverage. What will they use to set those guidelines? A growth chart.

Yo mama so fat, when your dad tried eating your mom's pussy his head stuck in.

A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother. ‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son. The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!