Joke #8421

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
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For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
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Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
Vote: has 26.01 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, marriage, money
My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’
Vote: has 33.50 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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A woman was standing naked, looking herself at the mirror. She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now." Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!" ...and then the fight started.
Vote: has 52.79 % from 180 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, fat, husband, marriage
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
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Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Vote: has 82.80 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women