Joke #4368

Priest to woman: ‘I don’t think you’ll ever find another man like your late husband.’ Woman: ‘Who’s going to look?’
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
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has 56.09 % from 209 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex
"My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."
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has 55.98 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'" Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'" Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
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has 66.01 % from 408 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, marriage, nurse, phone
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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has 85.27 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room." She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that." The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference." She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."
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has 85.77 % from 795 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
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has 83.31 % from 2545 votes. More jokes about: beauty, love, marriage, sex, wife
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem." "Oh is she an alcoholic?" "No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."
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has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, husband, marriage, wife
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
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has 85.15 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
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has 85.11 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: marriage