A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike?
A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
5 year old daughter: "Mom, why is some of your hair white?"
Me: *smiles* "Every time you make me sad, another hair turns white."
Daughter: *wide eyes* "Wow mom, what did you do to grandma?"
Look up "rib" in the dictionary and it says "To vex, irritate or annoy."
Look up "rib" in the Bible and it says "Woman."
Coincidence?
Vote:
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.