Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
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Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Vote:
First woman in space:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind."
What's the problem?
"Nothing."
Please tell us.
"I'm fine."
I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight...
But honey, what about our kid?
What kid?
So you are not you pregnant?!
"Oh, my love! My darling! If you give me one more kiss, I’ll be forever yours!"
"Sh*t... thanks for the warning."
A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
“It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th.
I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”
The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop.
I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”
“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
Vote:
How is a police car like a women?
It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
I like my women how I like my laptop.
Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.