A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
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Q: Whats the most worthless thing on a woman's body?
A: A Mexican.
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga?
A: Poke her face.
"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars."
"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?”
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!”
“Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter...
I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
Question: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
Answer: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.
As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
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Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."