Q: Why do horny women order at Subway?
A: Footlongs.
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Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Snooki is so short and orange that she works part time as a traffic cone.
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
The CIA has three candidates, two men and a woman, for one assassin position.
On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances," he explains.
"Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man is horrified, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!"
"Well," says the proctor, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
The CIA proctor leads the second male candidate to another large steel door and hands him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances," the proctor explains.
"Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man steadies himself, takes the gun and enters the room.
After three quiet minutes, the man exits the room with tears in his eyes.
"I wanted to do it I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
Finally, the CIA proctor leads the female candidate to yet another large steel door and hands her a gun.
"We must be sure that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman takes the gun, enters the room, and before the door even closes completely behind her, she's fired off six shots. Then all hell breaks loose behind the door cursing, screaming, crashing.
Suddenly, all goes quiet.
The door opens slowly, the woman exits, and wiping the sweat from her brow, she says, "Did you guys know the gun was loaded with blanks? I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
Women are just like fine wine.
I only like the white ones.
Vote:
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are."