Q: Why do horny women order at Subway?
A: Footlongs.
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Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss.
Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?"
Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my dick on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night.
So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says"bubba, is that you?"
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday?
A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
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A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk."
Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through.
The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?"
The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
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A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.