A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the First house of the street.
A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up within 5 minutes with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house…" said the lady.
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A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.
She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"
The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"
And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"
The guy says: "In that case follow me"
So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"
So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
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There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner.
It's like it wasn't even designed for women.
How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
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PlayStation network was never hacked.
Chuck Norris just decided to play one day.
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Yo mama is so old that when she walked out of a museum the alarm went off.
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A pregnant woman is about to give birth.
The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups.
Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through.
Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”.
The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”.
With that, the baby pops right back inside.
“Damn!”, says the doctor.
A short while later he sees the head push through again.
“Are you my dad?”, asks the baby.
“No, I am your doctor.”, he replies.
Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb.
The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”.
Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out.
“Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father.
The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!”
The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
How do you know if a blonde has been playing with your Xbox 360?
The joystick is wet.
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A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position.
His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?"
"Not even a little," said the young man.
"How about alcoholic beverages?"
"Never touch 'em," he replied.
The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?"
The applicant said, "No, not really."
"So you don't have any vices?"
"Well, I do have one," he admitted.
"And what would that be?" the boss asked.
"I tell lies."
Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!
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Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.