How long does it take a Mexican to build a, holy shit they're done!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
I went to a very beautiful place yesterday.
There were blossoms, roses and bright sky like a fantasy land.
I was so happy until some idiot woke me up...
I weighed myself today.
It is clear I am too small for my weight.
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead.
Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.
Without you I can't breath.
I love you so much my nose.
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives.
They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking.
They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."