What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!
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Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
Ignorance can be educated.
Crazy can be medicated.
But there is no cure for stupidity...
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot.
Everyone can catch cold.
Los Angeles Homeless...
Homeless people here are different.
You ever notice that?
Our homeless people are serious, man.
They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual.
She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."