‘After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?” And she said, “I don’t think this was good for anybody.”’ Garry Shandling
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Knock-Knock Who is there? A long penis with a naked head. Come in please we were waiting for you.
*My dad helping me find a gf* Dad: What do you want most in a woman? Me: My dick. *Grounded and high fived*
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
A beautiful woman sits next to a drunk in a bar. He turns to her and says, ‘Hey, honey. How about you and me getting it on? I’ve got a couple of pounds and it looks like you could use the money.’ The woman turns to him and says, ‘What makes you think I charge by the inch?’
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex: - You can GET chocolate. - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft. - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. - You can have chocolate in in public. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. - You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. - No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate. - Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. - You can have chocolate at any time of the month. - You are never too young or too old for chocolate. - Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says. ‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.