What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight.
A black eye, and a swollen lip.
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Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one.
On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout."
"Why's that?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor."
Doctor: "Are you thirsty?"
Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
"No"
"So, it was you!"
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Vote:
Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician?
A: Drummers.
The fastest dialog in the world:
(WC door is opening)
Man inside: Heyyy!
Man outside: Sorryyy!
Man returning with his wife from guests.
Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife.
But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?
It was tough for me, got caught up: cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town.
What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?
A spaceman landed on the moon.
To his surprise he saw ahead of him a little shop, with the name above it: "MORRIE COHEN, BESPOKE TAILORS."
Curious, he went into the shop.
A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I’m a spaceman," replied the spaceman.
The man closed his eyes, and slapped his own cheek with one hand.
"Cutters, I asked for. And they send me spacemen!"