Joke #8516

What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.

If you think nobody care if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

A patient to his friend: "I am taking rest cure." Friend: "What do you do?" Patient: "I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor."

Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.

"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist. And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"

When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?" The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must of shot the bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.

Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."

Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut. Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.

Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.