They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.