A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down." The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.
I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him. I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.