Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body? A: He is all right now.
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve? A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!." "No worries," replies the clerk. "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs." "Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent. With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing?" she asks. "Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead? A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.