One simply cannot play fair and win in a zoo - there are way too many cheetahs.
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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.”
The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.”
The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
I had to get rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways?
"Dead."
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows.
Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark.
He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators.
"Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?"
Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England."
The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest.
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore?
A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."