Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bakin'.
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What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey.
He chews bees...
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Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair.
An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
How much do I owe Yo' Mama?
My dog came home happy last night.
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat.
"But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously.
"Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly.
"After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"