Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
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Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
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Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't fit in this joke.
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the pool the water jumped out!
Yo mama so old, she walked into a museum and found her ex.
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Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
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A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
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A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year unaccompanied in Shemya, Alaska.
The first night home, he told his wife he had something to show her.
"I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"
And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.
"D**k, ten-HUT!"
And with that, his d**k sprang to full erection.
"D**k, at EASE!" And his d**k deflated again.
"That was amazing," said his wife. "Can I bring over our neighbor to show her?"
The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of his accomplishment.
So his wife brought back a delicious looking woman.
"D**k, ten-HUT!" And his penis sprang up.
"D**k, at EASE!" Nothing.
"D**k, at EASE!" Still nothing.
"For the last time, D**k at EASE!"
Frustratingly enough, nothing happened.
Embarrassed, he ran off to the bathroom.
Worried, his wife ran after and found that he was vigorously masturbating.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm giving this guy a dishonorable discharge!"
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