Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses a mattress for a maxipad.
Yo momma’s so fat, the weather people give names to her farts.
A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
Yo' Mama is like a campfire: everyone gets to stick their wiener in.
Yo Mama's so fat that when she bends over, the whole country enters daylight saving.
Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn't masturbate? A: Liar.
While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."