Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it.
Being curious, they go over and check it out.
When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom.
So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen…
Nothing.
One of them says, "Man, that’s a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side.
The pause and listen intently…
They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them!
They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!
The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom.
The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We’d better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!"
So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it.
The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.
"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?" one of the men asked.
The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?"
The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.
The farmer said, "Well boys, I don’t think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."
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"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident."
"Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying.
"Why are you crying?" asked the other child.
"I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger."
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
"Why are you crying?"
"I’m here for a urine test."
Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
Vote:
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?"
Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating.
The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.
The father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water.
Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position.
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
The dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.”
The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”
When Chuck Norris was a kid he taught his parents to stay away from strangers.
Vote:
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day.
One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby?
One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies.
Rape
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
Vote:
Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach.
One kid's parents were good business people.
The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders.
The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father.
Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water.
They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him.
As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama.
The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!"
The first kid said he wanted a helicopter.
The second kid wished for some money.
And the redneck asked for a wheel chair.
Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family.
The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."