I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
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I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
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Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
Woman delivers baby.
Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc.
Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?"
Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever.
Me: What's that hunny?
Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.
Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
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Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.
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