I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ? A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.