I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
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What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
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"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
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An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye."
"I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?"
"I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!"
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Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world?
A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
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Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’?
A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
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