Joke #10272

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
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What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole.
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Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first? The apple because the rope catches the black person.
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Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind? The dashboard.
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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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