I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
"My parachute did not work." Said no one ever.
Two clones are on a roof. One clone pushes the other clone off. The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.
Q: How do you get a black out of a tree? A: Cut the rope.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man? None! They both hang from trees.
What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.