A guy walked into his friend’s office.
He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither. He’s bald."
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there.
Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.