How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it. 
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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns.
"Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver.
"Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99."
The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
Vote:
Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.