How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it. 
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A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends.
The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey."
Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar."
So now, the third guy is under pressure.
He has to come up with something good.
After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.