How many men would it take to mop a floor? No one knows; they've never done it.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms. Men say "Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag."
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
Q: What is height of Stupidity? A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.
Five Important Qualities 1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.