Love is one way to get to a persons heart the other is Chuck Norris' fists.
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Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
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Chuck Norris kissed a girl once.
She's still blushing, we call her Sun.
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can startle his own reflection.
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Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean.
So's the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Bill asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Bill asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"
Chuck Norris removes the tag from mattresses, and mails them back to the company.
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Son: "What's love juice daddy?"
Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?"
Son: "Wimbledon."
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love.
In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
No sense in playing Clue with Chuck Norris, we know it was Chuck Norris with a roundhouse kick in any room.
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