Joke #8943

Love is one way to get to a persons heart the other is Chuck Norris' fists.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

Chuck Norris kissed a girl once. She's still blushing, we call her Sun.

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."

Chuck Norris can make scissors beat rock.

Chuck Norris once toboggoned down Mount Everest and then sprinted back up cuz he realized he lost his mitten.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!

The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.

A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."