Joke #12127

Chuck Norris kissed a girl once. She's still blushing, we call her Sun.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.

Love is one way to get to a persons heart the other is Chuck Norris' fists.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: NO! Don’t even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course! Over and over! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: NO! Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling!

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine. He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself. Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.