Chuck Norris kissed a girl once.
She's still blushing, we call her Sun.
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Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.
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Love is one way to get to a persons heart the other is Chuck Norris' fists.
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Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist.
And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"
Chuck Norris uses battery acid for eye drops.
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After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
She whispers in his ear: "That’s me before the surgery."
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids.
The results came back positive.
When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
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I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer.
Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."
Chuck Norris Streams Netflix on his VCR.
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