Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Once Chuck Norris went back in time and kicked a ball. When it landed it wiped out the dinosaurs.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says OK, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?” The guy replies: “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”