Joke #9255

What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night? A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom. A barmaid at night is bare and...

Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back? A: To keep its nuts dry

How do you know when a Barbie has her period? All your tic tacks are gone.

Roses are red violets are blue, I have never tried So can I stick it up you?

Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra? A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.

I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.

Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in. But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.'' She let him sleep in the laundry room. He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters. After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed. Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down. Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!'' He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable. Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it. In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule. Watch out.'' He was sent onto the porch to sleep. All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him. Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald. Here came the grandma. ''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.'' The cops came and requested a description of what happened. The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist. He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!''

What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end. A toothbrush with toothpaste

This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language. My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.