Joke #9500

Q: Why did this woman cross the road? A: Because I was not fast enough to hit her.
Vote:
has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: women

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself? The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!" 2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened? I shot myself into my knee.
Vote:
has 49.79 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, medical, time, women
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
Vote:
has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: cop, women
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
Vote:
has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: women
How is a police car like a women? It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: cop, women
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island. The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts. The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!" He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated. Everybody looks at him cross. Then they kick him off the island.
Vote:
has 24.05 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: desert island, mean, men, travel, women
Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.
Vote:
has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: women
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Vote:
has 78.02 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.” The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.” “No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?” “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
Vote:
has 81.79 % from 566 votes. More jokes about: accountant, dirty, tax, women
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
Vote:
has 77.98 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, women