Q: Why did this woman cross the road?
A: Because I was not fast enough to hit her.
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning.
The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..."
"Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
When can women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.
Girls are like an internet virus:
they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.
Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What?
Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."