I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped.
Saved myself a fiver.
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Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
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Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team?
A: The New York Jets.
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I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
- Because black people have no rights..
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What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
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What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
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In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
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Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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