I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped.
Saved myself a fiver.
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Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?"
Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
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How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.
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What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
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Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar?
A: A jar of mayonnaise.
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What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
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Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth?
A: All of them.
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Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
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