Joke #9528

Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
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has 42.13 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, military, war

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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has 85.38 % from 2004 votes. More jokes about: car, dog, military, war, women
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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has 85.28 % from 805 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."
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has 84.58 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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has 83.62 % from 384 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, game
Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."
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has 81.32 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions “What happened on June 6, 1944?” “We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!” “What was the turning point of world war 2?” “Battle of the bulge, sir!” “What’s is the importance of May 12″ The Man thought and thought “I don’t know, sir!” The superior then said “Well, I’ll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday.”
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has 80.72 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: birthday, military, war, wife
Chuck Norris ate once at Hard Rock Cafe. It's now called Shakey's.
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has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, food
When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
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has 80.27 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game, war
What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation: 1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate. 2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" 3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." 4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence. 6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence. 7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time. 8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.
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has 80.07 % from 402 votes. More jokes about: military, terrorist, vulgar, war
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
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has 79.05 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris