Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
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Q: What do women and cats have in common?
A: Pussy farts.
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.
She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman.
Are you this nice to every guy you meet?".
"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.
Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down.
She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.
When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.
"Okay," she says.
After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."
She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me neither," says Jed.
"Let's take these things off."
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
'What are you doing dear?'
'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'
'How do you know what sex they were?'
The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."