Q: Why do women have arms? A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job? Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
Look up "rib" in the dictionary and it says "To vex, irritate or annoy." Look up "rib" in the Bible and it says "Woman." Coincidence?
Seven days on a honeymoon make one hole weak.