Joke #9660

Q: Why did the lumber truck stop? A: To let the lumber jack off.
Vote: has 57.92 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"
Vote: has 75.38 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

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A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom." One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door. He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away." She says: "What about the good in bed part?" He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Vote: has 59.75 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Can you help me achieve a coronal mass ejection?
Vote: has 15.78 % from 112 votes. Send joke:

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Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"
Vote: has 74.97 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

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I discovered that I'd spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store's "Feel the Comfort" sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my left breast.
Vote: has 82.03 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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A Russian guy comes across a bottle of vodka on the street. He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish." The Russian man says, "I would like to piss vodka." When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses. She asks what they'll be drinking. He tells her he can piss vodka and demonstrates for her. It was the best vodka they'd ever had. The next night the Russian guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass. She asks, "Why only one glass?" "Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."
Vote: has 54.13 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

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What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
Vote: has 76.75 % from 187 votes. Send joke:

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