Q: Why do women wear black underwear?
A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
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I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ...
20 years old and mixed up with coke !
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
Q: Why did my wife cross the road?
A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know.
The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered.
"I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband.
"And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
As someone died, Saint. Peter gave him a tour to the new place.
While wandering he sees an old familiar guy who was accompanied by a very ugly woman.
He asks Saint Peter: "But how does the man walks around with a woman like that when he spent his life with the most beautiful women?"
"Oh my child, he killed a pigeon when he was alive and now he is being punished."
They walk further down, and meets another friend with a frighteningly ugly women.
"Holy God but he was circulated only by models when he was alive, how come he withstands this now?"
"O my child that man killed two pigeons when he was alive."
They continued wandering and suddenly he sees someone who was so ugly and stupid and never had any woman when he lived.
But he was accompanied by THE WOMAN!
Extra tall and hotty.
The man lost his mind.
"Holy God, but such an ugly face with such a gorgeous woman?"
"Yes my son, but this hotty burned the whole pigeon house, when she was alive!"
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.