Joke #97

How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.

Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.

A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former buddies at work about the operation. "Was it painful?" someone asked. "Well,"she said. "There was one part that was extremely painful." "I bet I know what part was so painful," someone else said. "I bet it was when they cut off your balls," they said. "No," she said. "I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a thing." "Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another person offered. "No," she said. "I was sedated then too, and didn't feel anything." "Then what part of the operation was so painful?" They wanted to know. "Well," she said. "After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out half of my brains."

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.

Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.

Harry is better at sex than anyone he know. Now all he needs is a partner.

Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUCK!"? A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"

Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. - If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. - You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some. - 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. - If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure. - You can do the whole neighborhood.

There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.