Joke #2751

Dad, what happens if a condom tear? Look at yourself...

One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt. He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle." The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"

Well, you know what they say: unlucky in love, get the clap.

Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.

Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.

Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!

On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave. When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"

A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight." The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?"