Joke #974

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms. "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo. "That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG!!! "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?" "Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?" Quasimodo came out and said... "I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."

Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris

Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."

Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.

Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong... God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.

Bill Gates is judged for bigamy. He says: If you live with two women’s it does not mean bigamy, it means multitasking.

Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.

Yo'Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.