Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer.
One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.
BONG!!!
"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo.
"Could you show me that again?"
"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower.
A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
Quasimodo came out and said...
"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!" 
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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those?, asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
What is it?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn’t have one.
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.
What is it?
The answer is: "A Last Name..."
You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
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Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents.
Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.
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Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
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Bill Gates is judged for bigamy.
He says:
If you live with two women’s it does not mean bigamy, it means multitasking.
Q: Why cant stevie wonder read?
A: Cuz hes black
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Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
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The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.
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