Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: He was very thinkful.
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A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one."
"Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
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When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
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J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day?
A: TWERKY!
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At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.
With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth…
A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins.
Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex.
So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband.
"OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom."
The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees.
So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed.
The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection.
The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other.
But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser.
He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain.
The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him.
His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?"
"That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
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Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
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One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting.
Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean.
They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sex.
He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean.
His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner.
Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"
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