Joke #9857

Why was cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
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Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
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There was this atheist and he was in the woods. And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking. He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him. He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.” The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian? Then the light disappeared. Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
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Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”
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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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What's green with red spots? A frog with the chicken pox!
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What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
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What is the golden rule for cows? Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.
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What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.
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"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."
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