How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything.
What job do rabbits at hotels have? Bellhop.
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat? He had to get a new goat.
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.