Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
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Chuck Norris really can get chicken from a tuna can.
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Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
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Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
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Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.
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Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
Every resturant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can pour a pancake so thin that it only has one side.
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Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.
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