What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?
A cud thud.
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A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other. They both got amnesia from the crash.
"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.
"Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..."
"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!"
"And what am I?" asked the skunk.
"Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smelly, with a strip in the middle..."
"Wow!", yelled the skunk, "Probably I'm an ass!"
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?"
"No."
"Did he hurt the cows?"
"No, he just grazed them."
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
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Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years.
An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
The statues came to life and smiled at each other.
They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn?
A: To buy some quack.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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How is cat food sold?
Usually purr can!