What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?
A cud thud.
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A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!"
He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
Show and smell.
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
What does a squid sheriff form?
An octoposse.
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
What's a pet's favorite day?
Saint Petrick's Day.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds.
One of the boys said, "What is that?"
"They're smart pills," said the other boy.
"Eat them and they'll make you smarter."
So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap."
"See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
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